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Jedi Phoenix

I'mma Shoplifter!


GothicDream

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So, as I stated in my status earlier, I got accused of shoplifting. Now I'll tell ye all the story :faec:

 

Yesterday, I went with a friend of mine to an antique shop in town. He wanted to look at rusty, old farm equipment. Why? Because he wanted to see what would be good for a zombie apocalypse for shits and/or giggles. After about 15 minutes of looking around, we decided to leave. As we were leaving, the shop's owner (an old dude) stopped us to ask why we weren't buying anything. My friend decided to chat the guy up for a bit, but to me, the dude looked senile and creepy. I stood near the door, wanting to get out 'cause I felt really awkward. I guess this made me look suspicious or somethin'. Anyway, after a bit, my friend and I left. As we were walking to the car, I noticed the old dude was following us. We got to the car, and I started to get in. As I was opening the passenger door of my friend's care, the old dude came to my side and stopped me from opening it. Then, he said "You wouldn't happen to have anything in your pockets, now would you?". He had a look that said "Oh yeah, I caught this sum'bitch red handed". However, I proved him wrong by politely emptying my pockets, showing that I hadn't stolen anything. Looking disappointed, he nodded and walked back into the store. So, even though I had done nothing wrong, I was still pissed off. Mainly by the fact that he only asked me and not my friend. Now, you guys know me.. I'm a nice dude. Do I look like a criminal?

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Judging solely by your profile picture and what I know about you, i'd say you don't appear to be a criminal, but the dude obviously had the impression that something smelled funny.

 

Personally, this kind've shit pisses me off -- especially when it comes to older people.

They're very inquisitive and find it easy to just assume someone is straight up a thief when they have 0 proof.

 

Scoping you out in the store is one thing, but straight up walking up to you and act like he has some sort've authority, I would've told him to eat shit and go waddle his old ass back in his '20s sweat shop and have a good day.

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I was in this drugstore with my friends back in high school, and in my humble opinion, we had the best day of our highschool years (even though it didn't involve sex). We were batshit hungry-crazy, and had very little money, and the lunch was going to be some vile shit as usual in the dorms, so we went off to spend very little on something that might make us un-hungry. We failed, but we laughed so much tears came out of our eyes...

 

So it was like, me and 2 of my friends, one of them is still a true friend and we always laugh a lot when we hang out, the other, i dunno about him nowadays but back then, his presence meant full capital FUN. First, we went into a little store called Lidl (europeans might now it), and the first guy packed up a bag with goods he bought there for cheapz, but we wanted to go to the other store, which was neighboring Lidl, called Penny Market. Now... my friend with a Lidl bag, just didn't seem right in the store, so he walked out quickly after he found out how "not alright" he looked in there, and with the other guy we continued looking for shit to eat.

 

First we saw an old man who came there with a magnifyer, and used it to check out the prices (Captain Price Inspector hurrhurr). So we were like, tongue-in-cheek looking at him, and then my friend in an awkward silence asked him: "Found anything, Dr. Watson?"

 

That was it, we were crying and we looked like some morons, but we had fun. We continued, but couldn't even choose anything, since we kept filling each other's shopping cart with unnecessary and hilarious stuff (tampons, bananas, diapers and huge vegetables of all kinds) until the other one did not notice. We kept this good habit till we reached the counter where we smuggled bubblegums and stuff to each other's part of the conveyor belt, all while laughing our heads to a dark shade of red.

 

The next thing we noticed was how unamused the girl behind the counter was by this, and she asked us to empty our pockets. Suddenly our humorous mood decreased, and we did so. And that little island in the middle of the madness lasted only until I saw my buddy going down, almost in a "standing fetus position" and started laughing with tears in his eyes. I was like, dude, this guy just died. And then I noticed... Remember our third friend from the beginning of the story? well he was outside the window, about 5 meters from it, and he kept waving with his Lidl bag like a slobbering idiot. That's when I lost it too, and we were both asked to leave the store.

 

Our friend out there said the only thing he noticed was that an employee came to the window and looked at him with a what-the-rotating-fuck-do-i-just-see face. We almost died of hunger in the dorms, but damn, we laughed like no other time. Other than that, my other accusations were merely just because I looked like a criminal, and bought not too many things at the same time. Fatal mistake, I tell ya.

 

 

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some people are too real to be accepted by salesmans who are infatuated with fakes

write lidl in google and read wikipedia lol

talking about shoplifting. i was doing that for real some part of my life.

one time i got caught on purpose haha

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