Favourite movie lines

[Johnnydillinger]

Here's my top 10 (i know i'm making too much top 10s but i don't care):

 

#10

 

Detective John Kimble: I have a headache. 

Lowell: It might be a tumor. 

Detective John Kimble: It's not a tumor!

 

From Kindergarten Cop, cause the list would've been so incomplete without a line from that one.

 

 

#9

 

Han Solo: 3PO. You tell that slimy piece of worm-ridden filth, he'll get no such pleasure from us. 

[to Chewbacca] 

Han Solo: Right?

 

 

The most hilarious line from all Star Wars movie (this one is from Return of the Jedi).

 

#8

 

Melissa: Ace, get out of the tank. 

Ace Ventura: [talking like Scotty from Star Trek] I just can't do it, Captain. I don't have the power. 

Melissa: I said, get out of the tank now! 

Ace Ventura: For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!

 

 

From Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Yeah, that movie is not only funny just because Jim Carrey is making faces in it, like many people think.

 

#7

 

Col. Kurtz: The Horror! The Horror!

 

From Apocalypse Now, this line could just sum up the movie, it fits so much.

 

#6

 

Lara: I'll protect you daddy!  

 

and

 

Lara: It's a really good cloak!

 

From Crash (2004). If i said anything about its context, i'd be spoiling it, but watch the movie and you'll get it.

 

#5

 

Lionel Cosgrove: [about to charge at the zombies with a hoisted law mower] Party's over!

 

From Braindead or Dead Alive. See what happens after that :faec:

 

#4

 

Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it? 

Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious. 

Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

 

 

From Airplane! Funniest line ever.

 

 

#3

 

Henrietta: I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! 

Ash: [Aims shotgun at Henrietta's face] Swallow this.

 

 

From Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn. Just... awesome.

 

#2

 

Paquita Maria Sanchez: Your mother ate my dog! 

Lionel Cosgrove: Not all of it.

 

 

Another scene from Braindead, and the "I kick arse for the lord!" line isn't even on the list.

 

#1

 

Allen Ripley: Leave her alone you bitch!

 

Wow. So like, she's facing an alien queen, that is like 3 times bigger and 3 times deadlier than the one which killed her whole crew in the first movie, and instead of shitting her pants in fear and running the fuck away, she's facing it to save Newt, and the only thing she says is this. I hate to say this, but Allen Ripley has bigger balls than me... The line is from Aliens.

 

That's all mine, now share yours.

[E-Solo]

http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0905/this-is-my-boomstick-demotivational-poster-1242598575.jpg

[SilentOne]

#10

 

M.M.:Thats what i love about high school girls, i keep getting older, and they stay the same age

 

M.M.: Yes they do

 

Dazed and Confused: Matthew Mchougnaheys(cant spell) only good movie

 

#9

 

Dante:Out of pure fucking insanity

 

Alex:Yeah he was addicted to hookers

 

Dante: No, the guy who threw your bong, you should never throw a bong kid

 

Grandma's Boy: Very funny full of laughs

 

#8

 

Dave: I've been drinking green tea all day! im Pumped, This is my hat now

 

Hot Rod: the guy who plays red in pineapple express.

 

#7

 

Dale: Im gonna puke

(*blehh*)

 

Saul: Did you just throw up on my printer

 

Dale: yeah, i think so

 

Saul: Did you break it?

 

Pineapple Express: James Franco and Seth Rogen are just 2 of the funniest stoners i've seen

 

#6

 

Lance: See he found this chick on the internet

 

Ezekiel: The Internet?

 

Lance: It's like this worldwide connection program

 

Ezekiel: Im just fuckin with ya, i know what the internet is

 

I don't know why that was just funny because hes amish

Sex Drive: seth green as a amish guy named ezekiel, big smartass

 

#5

 

Dale: They fucking killed them!

 

Saul: Killed who?

 

Dale: A cop, a lady and a guy

 

Saul A cop, a lady and a guy? Thats like a fucking massacre

 

Pineapple Express

 

#4

Victims, Arent we all?

 

The Crow: a very good movie with the son of a great martial artist who tragically died in the making of that movie as did his father Bruce Lee on one of his movies

Brandon Lee: R.I.P

 

#3

 

Ace: NOBODY MESSES...WITH THE DO!!!!

 

Ace Ventura: When nature calls: funny part in that movie at the wachiti tribe's camp

 

#2

 

Stu: I married a whore!!

 

Alan: HEY, SHES A NICE LADY!

 

Stu: Shut up you retard

 

Alan: Your language is offensive!

 

The Hangover: very funny movie

 

and finallyyyy *drumroll* #1 movie line isss *opens envelope*

 

Fletcher Reed: STOP BREAKING THE LAWWW ASSSHOLLEE!!

[E-Solo]

"Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo!!"

 

http://www.fletchwon.net/bestactor.jpghttp://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6zTQC9dY7Q8/SXGLK4HXD3I/AAAAAAAAA2I/-nyB27Hraoc/s320/dana+wheeler-nicholson.JPG

[TwiztidTriskit]

#5

Pulp Fiction

 

Jules: I'M A MUSHROOM CLOUD LAYIN' MUTHAHFUCKA, MUTHAFUCKAH!

 

#4

Good Burger

 

Ed: you think you can handle her?

Dexter: I don't know i have never driven a sandwich before

 

#3

Roger Rabbit

 

Eddy: you mean too tell me you could have taken your hand out of that cuff at any time?

Roger: Not at any time....Only when it was funny.

 

#2

Space Balls

 

Barf: They've gone plaid!

 

#1

Boondock Saints

 

Rocko: Is it dead?

[GiantYoda]

10. John Preston: No... not without incident. - Equilibrium

 

9. Co-Pilot: Dick look at that!

Pilot - Oh my lord! That looks like a mans...

Sergeant: PRIVATES! WE HAVE AN UNIDENTIFIED AIRCRAFT FIT WITH A LONG SMOOTH SHAFT EQUIPPED WITH... -Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me

 

8. Harvey Dent: You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain - The Dark Knight

 

7. Sergeant Hart Gunnery: Tonight, you pukes will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a girl's name because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary-Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over! You're married to this piece. This weapon of iron and wood. And you will be faithful. - Full Metal Jacket

 

6. Lt. Vincent Hanna: Cuz she got a... GREAT ASS. And you got your head, all the way UP it! - Heat

 

5. Luke: Your thoughts betray you Father. I feel the good in you, the Conflict.

Vader: There is no conflict.

Luke: You couldn't bring yourself to kill me before and I don't believe you'll destroy me now.

Vader: You underestimate the power of the Dark Side. If you will not fight, then you will meet your destiny. - Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

 

4. Les Grossman: Listen... fuckface, take a big step back and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE. Now I don't know what kind of pan pacific powerplay bullshit you're trying to pull here but Asia Jack is my territory, so you better call the fucking United Nations and create a fucking "bindinig" resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I will rain an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you. I am talking scorched... Earth... Mother.. Fucker. I will massacre you. I will FUCK YOU UP! - Tropic Thunder

 

3. Kirk Lazarus: Listen here; Dustin Hoffman, Rainman. Look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic 'sho. Not retarded. Forest Gump, slow yes, retarded maybe, braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants of Nixon AND won a Ping Pong competition? That ain't retarded! Peter Sellers "Being There," infantile yes, retarded no. You went full retard man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, "I Am Sam" remember? Went full retard? Went home empty handed. - Tropic Thunder

 

2. Jules: Oh I'm sorry did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue. You were sayin something about... best intentions? Whats the matter? Oh you were finished. Oh well allow me to retort. - Pulp Fiction (Twiz stole my numbah 2)

 

1. Jules: You read the bible Bret? Well there's this passage I've memorized, sorta fits this occasion. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the Valley of Darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will KNOW my name is the LORD... when I lay my VENGEANCE upon thee. - Pulp Fiction

[The Ðuke]

V: The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.

 

Words are the means to meaning, and for some, the annunciation of truth.

 

-V for Vendetta

 

Murphy: We're sorta like 7-Eleven. We're not always doing business, but we're always open.

Rocco: Hey fuck-ass, give me a beer.

 

Il Duce: The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far is as needed?

 

-Boondock Saints

 

Albus Dumbledore- But you know happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light. [Pris of Azkaban]

Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose what is easy and what is right. [Goblet of Fire]

 

-Harry Potterz

[Reptar]

"I wish for...not one hay-penny; but two hay-pennies!" -Wakko's wish

[Atlas]

Harrigan: You're one ugly..

Predator: MOTHERFUCKER

[Methos]

Two from American Psycho:

 

Patrick Bateman: You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.

 

Patrick Bateman: Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

 

Two from Boondock Saints:

 

Connor: Now you will receive us.

Murphy: We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry.

Connor: We do not want your tired and sick.

Murphy: It is your corrupt we claim.

Connor: It is your evil that will be sought by us.

Murphy: With every breath we shall hunt them down.

Connor: Each day, we will spill their blood till it rains down from the skies.

Murphy: Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal, these are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.

Connor: These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.

Murphy: There are varying degrees of evil, we urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over, into true corruption, into our domain.

Connor: For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three. And on that day, you will reap it.

Murphy: And we will send you to whatever god you wish.

[Murphy and Conner join II Duce behind Yakavetta]

Connor, Murphy, Il Duce: And shepherds we shall be, for Thee, my Lord, for Thee. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be.

Il Duce: In nomine Patri.

Connor: Et Fili.

Murphy: Spiritus Sancti.

 

Ivan Checkov: I am Ivan Checkov, and you will be closing now.

Murphy: Checkov? Well, this here's McCoy. We find a Spock, we got us an away team.

 

Two from Pulp Fiction:

 

Jules: Mmmm! Goddamn, Jimmie! This is some serious gourmet shit! Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice right, but he springs this serious GOURMET shit on us! What flavor is this?

Jimmie: Knock it off, Julie.

Jules: [pause] What?

Jimmie: I don't need you to tell me how fucking good my coffee is, okay? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes shopping she buys SHIT. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff because when I drink it I want to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead nigga in my garage.

Jules: Oh, Jimmie, don't even worry about that...

Jimmie: No, No, No, No, let me ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said Dead Nigga Storage?

Jules: Jimmie, you know I ain't seen no...

Jimmie: Did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said Dead Nigga Storage?

Jules: [pause] No. I didn't.

Jimmie: You know WHY you didn't see that sign?

Jules: Why?

Jimmie: 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing dead niggas ain't my fucking business, that's why!

 

Butch: You okay?

Marsellus: Naw man. I'm pretty fuckin' far from okay.

Butch: What now?

Marsellus: What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' niggas, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass.

Butch: I meant what now between me and you?

Marsellus: Oh, that what now. I tell you what now between me and you. There is no me and you. Not no more.

 

Two from Scarface:

 

Tony Montana: What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way!

 

Tony Montana: Me, I want what's coming to me.

Manny: Oh, well what's coming to you?

Tony Montana: The world, chico, and everything in it.

 

Two from Full Metal Jacket:

 

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'm Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor, from now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and the last word out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir". Do you maggots understand that?

[recruits answers: Sir. Yes Sir!]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair!

[recruits repeats with a louder tone]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?

 

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, private?

Private Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high.

[PSPHaxZone]

"This is Sparta!!!!!!!" -300

 

 

"Ready your breakfast and eat harty, for tonight, we dine, IN HELL!!!" - 300

 

 

Nuff Said

[Nuke]

"Why on Earth would someone get a breast reduction? That's like slapping God in the face." - SuperBad

[Apollo]

"Things you own end up owning you." - Fight Club

[Sharp]

"S-S-S- FUCK! ASS!" -Boondock Saints

[Soul]

Inigo: hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.

- the princess bride

 

Sherlock Holmes: Madame, I need you to remain calm and trust me, I'm a professional. Beneath this pillow lies the key to my release

-sherlock holmes

 

next few are from Once Upon a Time in Mexico

 

Cab Driver: Look out there, its a fucking coup d'Ètat.

Agent Sands: I can't see, fuck-mook. I have no eyes.

 

----

 

Agent Sands: El, you really must try this because it's puerco pibil. It's a slow-roasted pork, nothing fancy. It just happens to be my favorite, and I order it with a tequila and lime in every dive I go to in this country. And honestly, that is the best it's ever been anywhere. In fact, it's too good. It's so good that when I'm finished, I'll pay my check, walk straight into the kitchen and shoot the cook. Because that's what I do. I restore the balance to this country. And that is what I would like from you right now. Help keep the balance by pulling the trigger.

 

----

 

Agent Sands: You know that withholding vital information from a federal officer is a serious offense. Especially when that officer has paid handsomely for it and wouldn't think twice about ripping that patch off your eyehole and skull-fucking you to death.

[Solitaire]

8. Harvey Dent: You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain - The Dark Knight

 

4. Les Grossman: Listen... fuckface, take a big step back and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE. Now I don't know what kind of pan pacific powerplay bullshit you're trying to pull here but Asia Jack is my territory, so you better call the fucking United Nations and create a fucking "bindinig" resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I will rain an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you. I am talking scorched... Earth... Mother.. Fucker. I will massacre you. I will FUCK YOU UP! - Tropic Thunder

 

3. Kirk Lazarus: Listen here; Dustin Hoffman, Rainman. Look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic 'sho. Not retarded. Forest Gump, slow yes, retarded maybe, braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants of Nixon AND won a Ping Pong competition? That ain't retarded! Peter Sellers "Being There," infantile yes, retarded no. You went full retard man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, "I Am Sam" remember? Went full retard? Went home empty handed. - Tropic Thunder

 

I can agree with all of these being awesome.

[Johnnydillinger]

Here are a few awesome ones:

 

Plainview: You're not the chosen brother, Eli. It was Paul who was chosen. You see, he found me and told me about your land. You're just a fool. 

Eli Sunday: Why are you talking about Paul? Don't say this to me. 

Plainview: I did what your brother couldn't. I broke you and I beat you. It was Paul who told me about you. He's the prophet. He's the smart one. He knew what was there and he found me to take it out of the ground, and you know what the funny thing is? Listen... listen... listen... I paid him ten thousand dollars, cash in hand, just like that. He has his own company now. A prosperous little business. Three wells producing. Five thousand dollars a week. 

[Eli cries] 

Plainview: Stop crying, you sniveling ass! Stop your nonsense. You're just the afterbirth, Eli. 

Eli Sunday: No... 

Plainview: You slithered out of your mother's filth. 

Eli Sunday: No. 

Plainview: They should have put you in a glass jar on a mantlepiece. Where were you when Paul was suckling at your mother's teat? Where were you? Who was nursing you, poor Eli- one of Bandy's sows? That land has been had. Nothing you can do about it. It's gone. It's had. You lose. 

Eli Sunday: If you would just take this lease, Daniel... 

Plainview: Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drained dry. I'm so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... milkshake! 

[sucking sound] 

Plainview: I drink it up! 

Eli Sunday: Don't bully me, Daniel! 

[Daniel roars and throws Eli across the room] 

Plainview: Did you think your song and dance and your superstition would help you, Eli? I am the Third Revelation! I am who the Lord has chosen!

(There Will Be Blood)

 

 

A few from Little Miss Sunshine:

 

err. forget my list of quotes, i think the best line I ever heard in a movie is this:

 

Dwayne: You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work... Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest.

 

also:

 

Olive: I'd like to dedicate this to my grandpa, who showed me these moves. 

Pageant MC: Aww, that is so sweet. 

[Audience applauds] 

Pageant MC: Is he here? Where's your grandpa right now? 

Olive: In the trunk of our car.

 

 

 

Pageant Official Jenkins: [outraged at Olive's talent act] What is your daughter doing? 

Richard: She's kickin' ass... that's what she's doing.

(at this time, i laughed so hard i fell out of my chair. definitely watch this movie)

[Soul]

from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

 

Perry: My $2000 ceramic Vektor my mother got me as a special gift. You threw in the lake next to the car. What happens when they drag the lake? You think they'll find my pistol. Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?

Harry: A picture of me?

Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!

----

 

Harry: [narrating] I tell him about destiny; he's shaking his head. About dreamgirls; he doesn't care. I mention the underwear thing? He has a *fucking conniption*. And you? How 'bout it, filmgoer? Have you solved the case of the - the dead people in L.A.? Times Square audiences, please don't shout at the screen, and stop picking at that, it'll just get worse.

----

 

Harry: I peed on the corpse. Can they do, like, an ID from that?

Perry: I'm sorry, you peed on...?

Harry: On the corpse. My question is...

Perry: No, my question. I get to go first. Why in pluperfect hell would you pee on a corpse?

----

[DeathsAudit]

Head Detective: "But they'll kill me!"

Blade: "Kill you?! Mutha Fucka! I'll kill you!"

 

Blade 3 - I laugh every time.

[Zan]

Turkish: Boris "the Blade", or Boris "the Bullet Dodger". As bent as the Soviet sickle, and as hard as the hammer that crosses it. Apparently, it's just impossible to kill the bastard.

-----

Turkish: This is Tommy. He tells people he's named after a gun, but I know he's named after a famous 19th century ballet dancer.

-----

Turkish: As it turns out, the sweet-talking, tattoo-sporting pikey was a gypsy bareknuckle boxing champion, which makes him harder than a coffin nail

-----

[Talking to Sol]

Bullet Tooth Tony: Boris the Blade? As in … Boris the Bullet-Dodger?

Avi: Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger?

Bullet Tooth Tony: [gives him an odd look] Because he dodges bullets, Avi.

-----

Turkish: You put Gorgeous George into a fight with a gypsy bare-knuckle boxing champion? What did you expect? A grease-down and a shiatsu?

Tommy: Who took the jam out of your doughnut?

Turkish: You took the fucking jam out of my doughnut, Tommy. You did.

-----

Sol: What's that?

Vinny: Heh-heh. This is a shotgun, Sol.

Sol: It's a fucking anti-aircraft gun, Vincent!

Vinny: Yeah, I wanna raise some pulses, don't I?

Sol: You'll raise hell, never mind pulses!

-----

[On learning that Franky is making his way to a boxing match – and gambling]

Avi: Did he have a case on him?

Doug the Head: Yes. He had a case.

Avi: And this schmuck is gambling? You're talking about Franky "I've got a problem with gambling" fucking Four Fingers, Doug!

Doug the Head: Avi, I'm not telepathic.

Avi: Well, you're plenty fucking stupid, I'll give you that. Do you have any idea why they call him Franky "Four Fingers", Doug?

Doug the Head: No, I have no idea.

Avi: Well, because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people, and when he doesn't pay up, they give him the chop, Doug! And I'm not talking about his fucking foreskin either!

-----

Brick Top: I've got a bare-knuckle fight in a couple of days. I wanna use the pikey.

Turkish: All right, of course.

Brick Top: Of course fucking of course. I wasn't asking, I was telling.

-----

Avi: So what should I call you, "Bullet"? "Tooth"?

Bullet Tooth Tony: You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.

-----

Bullet Tooth Tony: You. Want a knife?

Avi: Me? No, not me. I wouldn't know what to do.

Bullet Tooth Tony: It's a knife, for God's sake. What's you used to keep your fork company for all these years? The sharp side, the blunt side. What do you want, a lesson?

-----

[in front of Boris' house]

Turkish: He's left the door open.

Tommy: Shouldn't think that a good idea. Should we go in?

Turkish: I don't wanna go in there. He's a dangerous bastard. Taken too many disco biscuits in the heat of Russian disputations. He's got as many of these nuts [grabbing his nuts] as he has those nuts. [pointing to his head]

Tommy: I don't care if he's got fucking hazelnuts. I want a gun that works and I'm gonna tell him.

Turkish: [acts surprised about Tommy's confidence] My God, Tommy. You certainly got those minerals. Well, come on then. Before zee Germans get here. You just tell him who's in charge.

[boris comes from behind, covered in blood maniacally muttering in Russian]

Tommy: Er, Boris.

[boris continues walking towards his house, grabbing Tommy in the nuts]

Turkish: You certainly told him, Tommy.

[boris comes out from the House with a gun]

Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: [in Russian] … со мной? Ну что будете теперь делать? Что? ["With me? So what are you going to do now? Huh?"]

-----

Vinny: I don't want a fuss, and I don't want to put a bullet in your face, but if you don't give me exactly what I want, there will be fucking murders.

Bullet Tooth Tony: [to Tyrone] What's your name?

Sol: Shoot him.

Bullet Tooth Tony: [mocking] Ooh.

[Vinny attempts to pistol-whip Tony; Tony catches his hand and grips it tightly as Sol draws another gun]

Sol: Let … go … of … the … gun!

[Tony releases Vinny]

Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you're obviously the big dick. And that, on either side of you, are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big, brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.

Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.

Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they're not clever. They smell pussy, and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you're having second thoughts. You're shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your guns, and the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point-five-oh" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now … fuck off.

[sips his stout as Vinny, Sol, and Tyrone dejectedly slink away]

-----

[On learning that Vincent has stored the diamond in his trousers for safety]

Sol: You ain't from this planet, are you, Vincent? Who is gonna mug two black fellas, holding pistols, sitting in a car … that's worth less than your shirt?

Vinny: [looks out window] Bullet Tooth Tony and his friend, Desert Eagle point-five-oh.

Sol: What have they got to do with anything?

Vinny: They're both staring straight at me.

[Tony comes into view, taps gun on car window]

Bullet Tooth Tony: You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity. Now, out the car. And leave the water pistols behind you.

-----

 

And many more from Snatch , best movie ever

[Jonza]

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the darkness at Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die."

 

-Roy Batty, Blade Runner

 

----------

 

"You know how to fly, don't you?"

"No, do you?"

"Oh no... oh my god... I'm going to faint..."

"How hard can it be? Altimeter... OK. Airspeed... uh, OK. Fuel... fuel? FUEL?! .... I think we got a big problem."

 

-Indiana Jones and Willie, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

 

----------

 

"How much for the little girl? How much for the women? "

"What?"

"Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters... sell them to me. Sell me your children."

 

-Jake, The Blues Brothers

 

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."

"Hit it"

 

-Jake and Elwood, The Blues Brothers

 

----------

 

"Now you be cool, baby, Bee here will keep you tight and outta sight. Dynamite's gonna shake the tree from the roots, rake up the fruits, rip it up out the ground to find out what's goin down. Don't worry bout tomorrow cause tonight, Dyna... "

"Dynamite's gonna make it all right!"

"Euphoria, shut the fuck up! I know that was you, I ain't even gotta look! I should send your ass back to Crenshaw Pete with his hot ass coat hangers, bitch! Would you like that?"

 

-Black Dynamite and Euphoria, Black Dynamite

 

----------

 

And lots, lots more.

[Soul]

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."

"Hit it"

 

classic

[Johnnydillinger]

BMUP!

 

 

 

Just a few more that came to my mind recently:

 

 

 

"Oh, so you ARE sick!"

 

From Eraserhead

 

 

 

A few funny lines from It's a Wonderful Life:

 

 

 

George Bailey: Now, come on, get your clothes on, and we'll stroll up to my car and get... Oh, I'm sorry. I'll stroll. You fly. 

Clarence: I can't fly. I haven't got my wings. 

George Bailey: You haven't got your wings. Yeah, that's right.

 

 

 

Man on Porch: Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death? 

George Bailey: You want me to kiss her, huh? 

Man on Porch: Ah, youth is wasted on the wrong people.

 

 

 

Annie: I been savin' this money for a divorce, if ever I got a husband.

 

 

 

Mrs. Hatch: Who is down there with you, Mary? 

Mary: It's George Bailey, mother. 

Mrs. Hatch: George Bailey? What does he want? 

Mary: I don't know! 

[to George] 

Mary: What do you want? 

George Bailey: Me? Nothing! I just came in to get warm, is all. 

Mary: [pause] He's making violent love to me, mother!

 

 

 

Ma Bailey: First Harry, now George. Annie, we're just two old maids now. 

Annie: You speak for yourself, Miss B.

 

 

 

While not a funny one, the best from this movie:

 

Little Mary: Is this the ear you can't hear on? 

[whispering in his bad ear] 

Little Mary: George Bailey, I'll love you 'til the day I die.

 

 

 

 

 

Apocalypse Now:

 

 

 

Kurtz: I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that... but you have no right to judge me. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror... Horror has a face... and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies! I remember when I was with Special Forces... seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into a camp to inoculate some children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for polio, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there, and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried, I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out; I didn't know what I wanted to do! And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it... I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, my God... the genius of that! The genius! The will to do that! Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we, because they could stand that these were not monsters, these were men... trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love... but they had the strength... the strength... to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men, our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral... and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling... without passion... without judgment... without judgment! Because it's judgment that defeats us.

 

Kurtz: We train young men to drop fire on people, but their commanders won't allow them to write "fuck" on their airplanes because it's obscene!

 

Roxanne: There are two of you, don't you see? One that kills... and one that loves.

[Pen15]

'Does he look like a bitch?' Pulp Fiction

[Semi]

From SWJA

 

Luke : i sence a disturbance in the force.

Kyle : You always sence a disturbance in the force but yeah i sence that too.

 

From Re4

 

Salazar: I send my right hand to dispose of you

Leon: Your right hand comes off?

Salazar: Say whatever you please... DIE YOU WORM

 

From Dont be a menace to south central while drinking juice in your hood

 

Loc Doc: Ashtray see that bit** overthere?

Ashtray: Yeah

Loc Doc: Well thats a lady.I bet i can get the number.

Ashtray: Niger she dont give you a number

Loc Doc: Watch it.Hey baby.(Pick up a pistol and pointing on girl) BREAK YOURSELF GIVE ME THAT FUCKING DAMN NUMBER!!! Cool cool cool.So i give you call about 5 o clock? SHOULD I?(Pointing a gun on girl)

Girl: Y-yeah yeah

Loc Doc: i told you that i can get a number=)

 

Well that too little=)